One of the biggest intimate challenges facing people in long-term relationships (especially monogamous ones), we often have expectations that simply aren’t achieved or realistic. We want someone who has our back, is our best friend, is a family member, and is right there in the thick of it when life gets hard.
Equally, we often expect them to be our erotic ‘other half’, the person we are most intimate with, who satisfies us sexually, and keeps the fires burning.
Ahem. We all know that – while these points may be reached time and time again – that is not the typical status quo.
As Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise.
Navigating between the comfort of happy relationships and the thrilling uncertainty of sexual attraction is something we all do, some better than others.
I highly recommend you watch this Ted.com talk by Esther Perel called “The secret to desire in a long-term relationship.”